This has been a crazy few weeks. Work, ball games, painting, life in general just sometimes takes you by the hand and pulls one of those ninja moves in the movies and before you know it, you’re flat on your back.
The recent weeks, have been a struggle. Things come along in life that sweep me off my feet, and I grieve all over again. The tiresome emotions try to creep their way back into my heart, casting shadows over my blessings. It tries to take up residence once more, slowly moving back in it’s belongings. I can just hear it now, “I’ll put bitterness here. Questioning? You can go in the corner directly across. Anxiety, I want you up front and center! And doubt? You’ll be the shackles of this four- chamber heart. I’ll reserve you for special occasions. I’ll reserve you for God.”
But do you know what’s so great? Even when we doubt His love, even when our hearts are so full of bitterness or anger, or towards His plan for us, He chooses love. He chooses to comfort us through his word, through people, through songs of praise. I began to think about His love, and His perfect plan formed with that love. Why does His plans include heart ache? Why does mine include making the most impatient person on the planet wait? Then something dawned on me. God knows me. He knows my name, He knows how many hairs I have on my head. My deepest secrets and weaknesses are nothing but transparent to Him. God knows what’s good for us, when it’s good for us, and how he wants us to receive it. And sometimes, trials are not trials by fire, but lessons through fire.
I can’t remember when I started losing faith in this journey, but since beginning this blog, I began to find it once more. I slowly, even reluctantly, began to understand that He sees beyond my wants. He protects me from situations that wouldn’t have been good for me, all because He loves me. My dry bones suddenly feel His breath, and little by little begin to come alive.
These last three years, I’ve learned a lot about faith. I’ve learned that you have to work at it. When you brought Him into your heart, there’s supposed to be this immediate change. And maybe for many, there is. But for me? Of course, I had a desire to serve and I left my old selfish desires behind. But my faith? How can that faith truly change over night, better yet, in an instant?
Perhaps, the biggest test of faith is trusting Him into your heart, but maybe the second biggest test is trusting Him despite the utter darkness, the loneliness, the doubt, the storms that rage and threaten to capsize your perfect life into a mess of splintered wood?
Yes, that’s the test of faith. You’re faith started as a tiny seed when He entered your hearts, and it’s growing and being nurtured. Think about a flower seed. That seed can’t grow without sunshine. But, it also can’t grow without rain. My friends, if you’re struggling through the rain, don’t water your bitter roots. Water your faith. Choose love. Choose trusting in His plan, not because I tell you to, or because you see nice encouraging pins on Pinterest that evoke emotion. Believe it, because He said so. Believe it, because He loves us, and has promised to provide for our every need AND desires. Believe it, because He loves you.
A few verses to leave you with, as well as a few songs that have touched me while planning this post.
“God of All My Days”- Casting Crowns
“If We’re Honest”-
“Oh My Soul” – Casting Crowns
“Control”- Tenth Ave. North
“Fear is a Liar”- Zach Williams
“For God has said, I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.”- Hebrews 13:5
“Cast all you anxiety on him because He cares for you.” – 1 Peter 1:7
“Where God guides, He provides”- Isaiah 38:11